Crippling Devestation
by TheyAlwaysUseADagger
Summary: Tragedy strikes, and Jimmy tries to ignore the devastation ringing through him. Sadly, it has a way of catching up with us, and he is forced to acknowledge what happened. She's dead, and there's no bringing her back. A one-shot. Rated T just to be safe (but not really deserving it). Hurt without the comfort part of it.


**Guess whose back with another one-shot for you all! Yep, that's right: Dagger. Not that I actually expect people to recognize me. cx However, I enjoyed writing my last story in this fandom - Growing Up and Apart - and decided to try and write my hand at something a bit sadder while I take a bit of a rest from my multi-chapters in other fandoms (since I've been pounding out updates there and need to let my mind chill out a bit by thinking about other characters). So now you're getting another chapter from me! Make sure to prepare yourselves. c;**

 **Also, as a fair warning that I give before any new story I write, I write in the first person! I've found that's a less common writing style on this site and so I make sure to throw that out there each time in case anyone is confused by it or doesn't like how I write. Read on if it doesn't matter!**

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 _Jimmy's Point of View_

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No matter how hard I try to wrap my mind around the fact, I can't.

It's not possible, right? There's no way it's right. I remember how sick I felt to my stomach when the news was delivered to me. How I denied it like I'm still denying it. It happened on Friday, and I've shut myself up in my lab since, working away any chance to give myself time to think and react. I can't allow myself to do that. If I do, I might never be able to put the pieces of myself back together. I need to stay calm and cool to the matter, avoiding any thought on it.

But I haven't slept and it's Monday morning, which means another day of senior year. How can I face it? How can I go in there in front of everyone and pretend that everything is normal? The answer to that is easy: I can't. It'll be better to stay shut up in here and keep ignoring the world. I just need more time to process it all.

I don't have any right to be devastated. I'm not her family, and it's not like I had any claim to her. Yet her death has taken more of a toll than I dare to admit. I shouldn't be feeling like this, not now. Not this late in the game. But I do and now I can't even tell her. Her parents are shell-shocked and grieving for sure. Her boyfriend, Nick, must be distraught by her sudden death. Her best friend, Libby, must be shattered to lose her so quickly.

Me? I have barely even spoke to her as of late. Our friendly rivalry died down a bit, and I guess I didn't act soon enough, because slowly she slipped through my fingers. She splintered away from our gang, hanging out more and more with the other, cooler kids. She began to make something of herself; I remained one of the odd kids out with Carl and Sheen. I stood by and watched as Nick swept her off her feet, telling myself over and over again that I didn't care. I tried to make myself numb to it, adding to the distance to save myself. I actually think that I'd gotten over it, only to get a brief "hello" in the hallways, and then it'd be back full force as I tried to figure out some way through my experiments to take these feelings away. That, of course, was a failure. And so I continued to cycle through not caring, rage, sadness, and jealousy.

Then the car crash happened, and none of my inner turmoil mattered because Cindy Vortex was taken away.

And in that moment, the realization finally finds the crack it needs to come seeping in and when it does, it drowns me. Cindy is dead. The girl I loved is dead. As I look back now, I realize that Betty never held even a flame in comparison to the blonde. How was I so blind? Why did I waste my time on her? If I hadn't, perhaps things would have been different. Perhaps that extra time could have been the thing that changed everything, that led to the future I didn't realize I wanted so desperately till I realized it would never happen. If I had just realized I loved her sooner, would she have died? I'll never know, because no matter how much I try to research, I can't come up with anything that is a solid solution to change things.

Cindy Vortex is dead and for once, there's no brain blast to fix it.

I'm not smart enough. It's a devastating thought. Crippling, even. I sink down to my knees in front of my work table, unbidden tears dripping down my cheeks as my mind offers me a mental picture of what the scene might have looked like. I don't want to think about what the wreck was like. I don't want to think about if she died before she knew what hit her, or if it was drawn out and painful. I don't want to think of what she looked like. I don't want to think about the fact that Cindy died while the idiot who couldn't be bothered to pay attention to the road and avert this disaster survived.

I slam my hands into the ground in frustration, practically screaming to the skies as I ask the only thing I can think of at this time. "Why her?"

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 **And so there we have it. A shorter one-shot, but a one-shot for you all none the less. In case you've never seen my writing before (as I assume most people won't have unless you followed me and are reading this because of that), I will say that I love writing tragedies. It's something I've been experimenting with more and more as of late, and I absolutely love it. So sorry if I hurt anyone! At least I didn't kill anyone in front of anyone else's eyes. c; I like that move a lot too.**

 **Anyways, what did you guys think? Was it good? Bad? Were you able to figure out what was going on? How quickly did you realize what had happened? How do you feel about Jimmy's reaction? I'm hoping I expressed his raw anger and emotion on the matter well, as well as his misplaced guilt as he seems to blame himself for everything? Let me know in a review!**

 **Anyways, that's all from me in this fandom. Until another time, whether it be that I write in this fandom again _or_ if you read one of my stories in another fandom!**

 **~ Dagger**


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